Every time there's an awkward silence a gay baby is born
stop texting me from phones in the verizon store and pretending to be guys i talked to when i was drunk. its confusing.
He told me I couldn't drink an unopened bottle of water he had in his room because that was his emergency bong water
He keeps trying to sell me the forks from his kitchen drawer
wanna go with us to feed the ducks bread soaked in vodka?
how could i say no?
Sorry about that whole "setting your deck on fire" thing.
This is the minute she broke up with me. If you're receiving this mass text, you are one for the girls who made me promise to text you at this point.
Wors thing about having a cop dad: random drug testing
We've been walking through the woods for two hours, he just keeps taking pictures. At least we'll remember this tomorrow.
i don't know what body building stuff he's on, but his cum is basically a 5 hour energy shot.
my suitemate came in my room last night and flashed me. and then she just walked away. deff transferred to the right school
Whoever decided to put a Denny's that close to the strip club is a genius.
You rinsed the beer pong ball off in my White Russian
Also food confession I ate an entire bag of starburst jelly beans today. and a plan B. All around think I hit all my nutrients
I'm just going to assume my unresponsive booty calls are just preparing for the women's march tomorrow
Randomize
