Found her laying down in a booth in iHop. She's a keeper.
She just asked me if I was looser "in the vagina" than her. While gyrating.
It was darkish out, I was shit faced, and they should have marked the electric fence a little more clearly. The entire wedding reception saw me run full force into it
A man that refers to my vagina in third person is a man after my own heart.
You were pouring Patron into the window of the squad car trying to get the police dog to drink it
So thats why that cop beat my ass?
Probably
I just contemplated drinking cheese dip. And by "contemplated," I mean "attempted and was forcibly stopped from."
I yelled at the dude who smoked him up "YOU'RE THE REASON I'M NOT GETTING LAID" then went to bed. So yeah, I guess it was an ok night.
I know you are gonna wanna ask a lot of questions but when we are home I need to cover your face with deli meat and photograph it
Leave it to me to sleep w a guy who gets poison ivy on his dick
I just projectile vomited into my kitchen sink. Today need to be over already.
The laundromat is nothing like In the pornos
got laid for being an eagle scout again. 4 more and ill have all my merit badges.
He told me that losing me was the biggest mistake of his life. Of course it was. My tits are incredible and I know more about college football than he does.
also. when i get a car, the amount of space there is for sex WILL be a huge deciding factor.
He expects a blow job at the movies but won’t pay for popcorn? Does he know it’s not 2017 anymore
Randomize
