I only kidnapped one of them. chill
I have no idea who these bands are he's listening to. If his current playlist was a pandora station, however, it would be titled "music for closet cock gobblers"
If my body was a temple, I pissed all over the front stairs last night..
I don't think I can fit "I'm sorry for ruining Christmas" on one cake. Better make two.
I need a legitimate reason as to why the microwave door is in the shower
I'm really not interested in hearing from him. Unless there is casual sex involved
Is it too early to start a donation jar for my 4th of july hospital bills?
He said he wanted to start giving out "sex souvenirs". I got a poster with a penguin on it.
Did we seriously just get into a fist fight over kit kats?
LOOK AT MY ASS AND LEGS IN THIS SKIRT. I KNOW ALL THE BEST HIDING SPOTS IN THIS BUILDING. AND I OFFER TEQUILA.
At first it will make you think "how is this physically possible?" and then it will ruin an entire food group for you.
I just showed this kid my nipples to work my shift tmw
Feel weird saying this on Facebook, but a dildo collecting demigod sounds like somebody I'd at least hang with for a minute.
He told me that he wants to fuck me only wearing a princess tiara...How could I possibly say no to that?
I’m never getting home or fucked or eating hot Taco Bell fml
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