dude you have to find out what a girl's name is before you sleep with her. if her name is debbie she's boring, if her name is lauren she's an overrated hoebag, if her name is meagan she gived bad head.
I think the secretary can hear it when I fart in the bathroom, how do you think she feels about that?
I'm on a cruise to the Bahamas and this text message is gunna cost me $10 but I need you to pray on my behalf for the things I'm about to do these 2 girls and what I did last night to a 35 year old mother of 3.
I feel like I just walked the hall of shame thru the marriott. Everyone stared.
I think it was the shoes and limping. Not the sex. I could b wrong.
Look you found him on craigslist. You should be happy that he at least HAS a normal looking dick.
its official: beach shits are the exact same as mountain shits
Will do. If it all falls thru I'm just gonna set up a sprinkler in my back yard and run thru it while taking jello shots. Perfect alternative to my 29th bday.
I'll just tell your children you were the queen of drunk town and you had a giant purple monkey named bongo
It's like you're the one guy who got the "girls have clits" memo.
This is like the best thing that's ever happened to us. We're getting paid to sit around get high and eat. There is a Jesus
your life is not complete until you watch a gaggle of murderous clowns dance to gangnam style.
also, what is the correct term for a shit ton of clowns?
As soon as we had sex he stopped opening doors for me. That wasn't an exchange. Im still a god damn princess
My moms new boyfriend looks like Stu Pickles if he was in a biker gang. He gave me free coke though, so come party?
Fell off the toilet trying to reach to put my tampon in the garbage. Pride hurts real bad.
while giving me head, she stopped, looked up at me smiling and said "ill never be able to look at bananas the same way again" and then went back to work.
Randomize
