you better believe me or I'll punch you in the face
We drove past his house blaring "Like a virgin" in the middle of the day. pretty sure he heard.
You said your dick dragged you up the stairs
We aren't really supposed to respect our bodies til our mid twenties.
i think dick pics are a sign of a sexual renaissance
Lol i have proven this trip that I can meet a chick and fuck her within 72 hours no matter where she lives
Using a miniature baseball bat to kill a mosquito in the house may not have been the most efficient or safest way, but that thing is fucking dead. However, so are three wine glasses, a lamp, and my baseball bat privileges. Worth it.
I almost got on a bus to Langley Air Force Base. 99% sure that's not where I wanna be.
So tomorrow I have my performance review with my boss who I banged. When I go in should I ask if this review will be rating my sex or work performance?
no one ever believes me when I try explaining to them that your straight. I'm all like, "yeah that's his girlfriends dress he's stretching out"
I drank a girls breast milk at this wedding. Shit was next level
I'm right down the road from AJ's old house and I'm getting mixed feelings. My vagina is remembering good dick. But the rest of me is remembering horrible times.
He took a girl home at like eight, fucked her, kicked her out, came back to the bar, and repeated the process again at 10:30 and 2:30. THREE GIRLS IN ONE NIGHT. ALL PICKUPS. I HATE HIM.
That is our entire relationship. We match bowls and give each other head. What more could you possibly want?
That's nice of you to be concerned, but I'm pretty confident I'll marry someone 30 years older than me, ride out being the trophy wife for 10 or 15 years, then live large!
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