Would you object to my putting the bidet video on my Facebook page? It;s awesome.
he wasnt into me til he saw how good i was at ms pacman. wtf why does this always happen? when she kisses pacman it was a little awkward, so i made my move. i went for more than one kind of banana last night!
I look like Roseanne just got in a bar fight with Rosie O'Donnell.
i just hope all the shady shit stops so i can let him into my pants
Are we still dressing up as garden gnomes for halloween?
No. I would like to get laid again before I graduate.
he bit the head off a dead goose for 5 beers. this is my future boyfriend.
I need to start giving them away because owning 20 dildos is never going to get me a boyfriend.
I'm about to play Thunderstruck by myself, that way I'll always get the long thunder part.
The cops forgot your handle of tequila when they took you away. Taking shots in your honor amigo
So me and him are making out, and the other two are on the couch behind us. he randomly stops kissing me and goes "oh god I think she just took off her shirt" I look behind me and I see her tits flapping up and down. This man has amazing senses..
I drink to make the karaoke go away.
Yeah if I don't text back. I'm eating. sleeping. Or lifting. Or drinking. Or playing call of duty. Like shit man
how come you came home with "Amanda owns this" written on your forhead
Sorry about my life...
woke up this morning and she was gone. but she left a box of donuts on the counter with a note saying "for all the 'o's you gave me last night"
Randomize
