you think it's bad that I have four different guys toothbrushes in my bathroom?
i sneezed during and he said it felt like i gave birth to his dick...then asked me to do it again.
I wanna tell red shirt guy I'm pregnant and use the abortion money for Coachella.
I walked into his living room and saw him watching the play-offs while eating tomato paste out of the can with a bottle of wine. I'm telling you to stop talking to him. now.
Don't remember shit. It was only until I saw the glaze on my forearm that I knew you drove to get donuts last night. I also spent 20$ there apparently
At some point last night Lemondrops turned into me doing shots of vodka and eating sugar packets at the bar.
Whatever it's Canadian jail, it's not like Guatemala or something. It'll be nice and cushy and they'll probably throw him a big bday party with all his friends and strippers
I just woke up ass naked on top of all my sheets, with no blinds in my room because i used them as togas, my back is killing me, im covered in sharpie, i have no memory of last night, and im pretty sure im still drunk. I consider the night a success
Please send pictures of any nice new years ladies you run across in town, as I've forgotten what women look like.
TYLER OWES ME SO MUCH
I LET A CREEPY MAN I DONT KNOW SUCK ON MY NIPPLES
We probably shouldn't have humped each other in a stairwell for an hour. that was probably my bad
if you're wondering why I texted you some girl's name at 4 am it's because you wanted to Facebook stalk the girl who gave that Irish guy we met at the Chinese food place her license and said 'call me'
I got my period on eclipse day. I'm officially in line with the moon.
wait. i have to tell u something. and it has nothing to do with dildos or spiders
She said my penis was powerful and magnificent
Randomize
