before i die, we are going to oregon and playing oregon trails for real. like putting things in a hat & people will pull out whether they live or die. and they die of fun things like typhoid, dysentary, or hunting accident.
i just found a cheeto on my floor and ate it. i might still be drunk.
i think of them as a grilled chicken salad and a fried chicken biscuit. obviously Amy is better for me, but when i'm eating her all i can think about is how much better the blonde must taste.
Blacked out at the beach and unblacked out at a piano bar singing Tiny Dancer.
We talk about tequila and blow jobs the way that normal people talk about the news and the weather.
Dear America, sometimes I miss your Everclear and its consequences.
Apparently love is stronger than SoCo
I'm gonna go to bars and pick up women hopped up on democracy.
Just did a "spirit of homecoming" bump off a stranger's credit card. A stranger that dropped us off at home. Erica's bad. How do allllll of the Eastern Europeans know how to find drugs so easily?!?
I recommend we watch the Super Bowl together and have celebratory sex if we win. Good news is I don't have a team I dislike so were guaranteed a win.
I'm pretty sure I just need an IV drip of Plan B at this point...
This snow needs to melt so I can get wasted on someones front lawn
I'm so sad at the lack of dick in my life I am going to get sauced and make rice krispy treats
Well I typed "penicillin a" into the search engine and before I could finish "penicillin and drinking" popped up. Google knows me too well.
Remember that one time you told the bartender he was fuckable? Well, he's here.
Randomize
