I have to decide between the hot young blond with no apparent gag reflex, and the brunette with a great ass and a trust fund.
The girl behind me at the dollar store said couldn't wait to get her permit, then requested a pregnancy test. God I love being home.
You told me to hold on because you had to barf like a dinosaur.
i just deleted quailman, hot hawaiian dude, appalachian swimmer, and connecticut from my phone
failed my one goal of the day: wake up before 2 pm.
She called picking up at 2pm a matinee drug deal.
dude a monday night stripper made you motorboat her. you should get that checked out
I thought you were single?
I am. But thats cuz no one wants to marry shame and regret doused in tequila. But thanks for reminding me ya dick.
Some cougar Brit said she loved me. America is bouncing back.
I feel like I deserve an award for facing my fear of penises in my face.
We BOTH lost our virginities there. It's basically a landmark.
he apologises profusely for spelling mistakes in his texts but doesn't care about cheating on me. priorities
he was like tryna hang and chat and I was like dude there's an iguana in this room
Wait, there's no way I said I would suck his dick. I know drunk Katie.
No, you told him to suck YOUR dick.
See now that sounds like drunk Katie.
And now Google thinks I have a hard hat fetish...maybe I do...
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