Need sex. Gaining weight.
I just recorded courtney puking and set it as my ringtone.
I coulnt tell if he was cumming or if I was throwing up
My vagina just recognized that song.
More likely there's a very shell-shocked cat wandering around somewhere, covered in potato peelings
Either I'm losing my touch or ED is running rampant in 20 something men now
You don't have a penis so I'm not texting you at this hour. This is penis texting hour only.
Did the vodka turn my hair yellow or did something else happen last night?
Calm the fuck down fatty, you can add creme de menthe to a vanilla shake any time of the year
Mom called her a cunt. I think that's code for "don't bring her over ever again."
Yeah. I'm so over work, that I'm not even satisfied pretending to work anymore. I just flat out want to go home. Fuck this job
she used her teeth again, but this time it was out of love
One time she showed me her pierced nipples in our high school locker room and now she has a daughter
Guy just walked in with a 40 and a Honda steering wheel. Where the fuck am I?
We're just starting to open presents and I already need a shot. This is gonna be a long Christmas day.
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