You're in luck. The brownies don't even have butter, just vege oil
in the event that i am dead, my body is laying in the intersection of ... the pearl in springfield. it was my friend's 21st but i think i'm dead. wearing a black top. like i said, probably dead.
Its a sad when the highlight of your day is flicking a booger and actually getting it to stick to your computer monitor.
She just used a turkey baster to transfer alcohol from the glass to the bottle. Just thought you should know
i just used my scantron for my final to make paper shotglasses. i'd say i passed in flying colors.
Just talked to the girl you brought home from the bar last night while she was looking for her panties. She said to tell you "nice try".
I love how you are more concerned with what i call my penis than the fact i wanna bone some high school chicks
Uh, do you remember who's thong is in my tree?
I lost my grandmas ring. Probably during the handjob.
Post-shopping-cart-scooter-jousting victory fuck?
When I picked you up, you were drinking Maker's Mark out of the bottle with a crazy straw.
scratch that I can tell you where she is shes drunk on a beach somewhere being a penis slayer
I'm in a dress, surrounded by Republicans, and the bartender just told me he's "out of Jack Daniels" in a very accusatory tone. Shit, is it only 8 PM?
Awake! can you bring me my pants...im under the couch
He told me that he had never gotten a blow job. I sat there for a second, then thought "I MUST FIX THIS!" It was fucking fantastic.
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