I stood up and a chip flew out of my shirt and landed in the chip dish. I just walked away.
No, we're smoking outside. We're hot boxing the world.
you're the best thing to happen to me. closely followed by learning to ejaculate, and drugs.
You came back with four clearly unattractive women and wanted to throw a dance party in my room.
He just sent me a picture of me icing a cake with a butcher knife topless.
I am day drunk. Get ready to see my dick.
I woke up with the suicide hotline number saved as 'Hot Guy Josh'
You know you gotta reevaluate your life when the first thought that comes to mind after you wake up is 'at least I'm still alive'
when i got home she was standing in my front yard not wearing a shirt and halfway crying/ halfway laughing
Is it morally wrong to give today's hookup a Krispy Kreme from yesterday's hookup or is it just fat love?
The holidays are too long. I always run out of adderall before I run out of family. you got any left?
Let's be honest I'm gonna watch murder she wrote and eat taquitos at three am
Her hotness level dropped from an 8 to a 2 as soon as I walked into her place. It REEKED of cat piss and there was no litter box and NO CATS.
I would give a kidney to fuck him and he knows it. That bastard.
Welp. It's confirmed. There is literally no lube on this entire island. Fuck me. More accurately, don't fuck me.
Randomize
