I was eating out this girl yesterday and when I finished, she asked me if I wanted to take any home with me. She was serious, dude!
What does that even mean?
WTF YOU HAVE A GIRLFRIEND?
Oh yeah that.
Living well is not the best revenge. Fucking his brother is.
There's half of a squirrel in the bathtub - i figured you'd be the one to go to.
Chinese roommate asked me this a.m when u left if all girls here have multiple boyfriends..
i licked the inside of a toilet bowl for $14. i really can't talk about my night.
I can't wait. Forget the royal wedding. This is the most anticipated hookup of 2011.
Carson when you get home I want you to go downstairs and go into each bedroom and pick up the underwear and either throw it out or give it back to the people who own them. Look all over the room. Thank, Love Mom
It's like they're playing jeopardy and the category is "things that make women dry."
dude, I convinced you I was your conscience for like 15 minutes last night. you weren't just "a little high"
"Work from home" is code for "morning drinks" right?
Funny you say that, I just sold my stripper pole to my mom tonight...
I fucking hate them. They came over and sat on me and made out. On top of me. Who the fuck does that?
were you aware we were supposed to be taking care of her hamster this weekend?
idk but im stoned n hiding in the bathroom from my kids with a really big bowl of really little candy bars
Randomize
