Am I the only person who thinks Megan Fox looks totally like a Thai lady boy with a serious tanning bed fix?
Just got my period. I'm not pregnant with Scott's child and I won't be having any sex tonight. This must be what they mean by bittersweet.
Had sex with the ex last night. Regretting to begin in 5, 4, 3, 2, 1... WHYYYYYYYYYY!
i wasn't going to tell her about the threesome but i had to explain the tree and the green paint everywhere
Hey. Hey you. Just wanted to let you know that I'm adorable. FUCKING ADORABLE. That is all. This update brought to you by our proud sponsor bud light.
Safe to say I relapsed into my old chatroulette drunk flashing days.
Well he just said "there's glass on the floor and it's okay I'm only bleeding out of my esophagus" so yes he's tripping
I'm assuming the reason my elbow is so sore has something to do with all the broken shot glasses eh?
Yep
Fyi your toilet is not contaminated. We'd have to scissor pretty hard to pass what I got.
Well be careful man. Be careful. Wear shoes in the house. Safety. Safety first, then teamwork.
Do not ever get that redhead chem major high. Gave her a magic brownie and she sat in a corner and literally cried about organic chem. Never again.
I know they deliver ice cream, but do you think I can ask the delivery guy to watch the rest of the movie with me too?
Sad realization: so long as I use this sleep apnea machine, I will never be the little spoon!
Can I just swipe right on his dad?
Everytime after he came, he'd laugh uncontrolably for ten mintutes. He was sober..
Randomize
