I didn't go out last night, but I dreamed that I blacked out and the *CRAZY* thing I did was to eat 12 cupcakes off 12 diff plates and stack them up neatly. If I had a life, I'd hate it.
Everyone needs a good pregnancy scare in their life.
What a good family we'd make, him and I and our kids and his good dick.
i seriously wanted to pee on her right then.
Of course I'm not above using aladdin and pot to get laid, this is america
So if I get kidnapped from my office and go missing for a few days does that count against my vacation days and do I still get paid?
Can you come pick me up and take me to breakfast then the police station?
Where's your car?
The girl I brought home apparently stole it
just when his roommates walked in, we were naked in the kitchen. proceeded to awkwardly pretzel walk back into his room to cover each other (not that they haven't seen me naked plenty of times) and continue to have glorious morning sex. his roomates love me.
He rubbed aloe on my sunburn while I blew him... could he be anymore perfect?
I just fucked her in the corner of an ally while holding a large pizza waiting on a pledge for a ride.
Just had to stop myself from doing a bump on the Disney bus. The struggle is real.
Out of ten? A seven. You pulled your shorts down to your ankles, jumped into the pool and announced you were a merman.
You act like tequila is some sort of sex juice
My Mormon mother just found a butt-plug in our AirBnB closet.
This is what I get for listening to Christians.
Randomize
