U know its gonna be a great day when the guy at the liquor store waves at u cause u walked by
someone, somewhere in austin has to have a muppet
How's your Sunday morning ritual of shitting and throwing up at the same time going?
Using that mug my little cousin painted for me as an ashtray for my weed...at least next time he asks me if I'm using it I can say yes
He is making me drink his THC water out of a milk jug.
I mean we had sex in a crib. You tell me how my night was.
I swear my vagina formed calluses just to deal with how big he is
told our landlord the hole in the wall was from your head during drunk sex..
how did he take it?
not as well as i would have thought
I just realized I consumed seven different types of alcohol this weekend. And I'm only counting jungle juice as one of those. How the fuck did I not die?
Also I'm very proud of th fact that I walked my dog before bed. Drunk dog walking should be an Olympic sport; it takes SKILLS.
if there is one thing you splurge on it better be nice condoms
When confronted with a choice of going home or fucking the band ALWAYS FUCK THE BAND!!
I gave three different guys a boner at the same time last night, and none of them are in the same city as I am. That's achievement.
Like I blink, and he's face first in my vagina.
Go shave, and then go fuck the man
YOU ARE SO CRUDE, I LOVE YOU
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