I'm putting on too much make up bc I'm stoned
Tried killing a moth in our bathroom. Water everywhere. Don't worry about it.
What's everyones problem with my costume?!
It looks like a unicorn came on your face.
i just peed in a port a potty and wiped with my credit card statement. fuck yeah!
so we told my parents we were going trick or treating. got high as shit at some playground. and then bought our own candy so we looked legit when we got home.
random question: do you know anywhere in the tri-state that has elephant racing? this is a work related question.
Long labias. Talking about. Too drunk to explain. Tomorrow.
No talking tonight. Just drinking and puking up memories
There's jello in my purse I have a mysterious glow stick and didn't sleep with anyone my god I'm 3 for 3 tonight
I almost died in that meeting. Nearly dried up and blew away in the pure powder form of boredom
I know that feel bro
One day we'll be rich enough to go to rehab. Until then, fuck it.
He's like a sexy bearded lumberjack who likes wine.. I can't lose..
just the thought of you slurpin down noodles really rustles my jimmy
you suck at sexting
Question: the touchscreen on my phone randomly quit working, do you think this could be a latent reaction from me peeing on my phone last weekend?
I’m traumatised. Bring vodka and condoms.
Randomize
