I'm trying to bond with my sister... Its like getting to know a person I never met that I don't like
ya ever know whats down there. always send some fingers in first to scout the situation. fingers are not used for pleasure. they're used for covert missions.
Turned in a paper today on drug abuse. Chose to write about percocet. Just realized I started 2 sentences with "This amazing drug"
My fucking roommate unpluged my alarm; I pissed on his clean clothes.
finally achieved: got laid in the religion section of borders. thought you should know.
At the time, making out with dudes for keg money seemed like a genius idea. Now I realize it was borderline prostitution.
I can neither confirm or deny any bear related allegations right at this time.
Your philanthropic work just got me laid, thanks dad for naming me #2.
My professor just gave us a margarita recipe.
Why?
Because, and I quote, he "wants to give us the tools to succeed in life."
I have a very hazy flashback of me making out with a guy in a seashell bra??! Can you confirm or deny
I'll be on pinterest all night planning crafty things to do with my cats in 10 years.
To tired for the bar. Came home and drank wine out of the bottle. Kind of don't want to know what that says about my life.
If you were more comfortable around gay men, then you too could get wasted at the gay dance club and go home with hot girls.
Do you think I'm short enough to dress up in a ghost costume and go trick or treating and have people believe that I'm actually a child?
She ran from her surprise party screaming "I'm not ready for an intervention." Yeah, the girl has a problem.
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