Anderson Cooper interviews Obama. It's like CNN is teasing and broadcasting my dream 3 way.
So shortly after drunk sex...she starts crying and saying..." you don't care about me, you never do anything nice for me" so I called her a cab
So I just googled the ten commandments... Were fucked.
I'm drunk at the doctor. It's not that fun. Overrated in fact.
No no I got the black eyes when I tried to do a flip off the second deck of a pontoon boat. Actually when I did a flip, it was a success.
Seriously? What part of meeting at Oktoberfest while I'm wearing a dirndl, double fisting, and making out with random guys screams "i'm girlfriend material"?!
she made sit in a corner, drink nothing but water and told me she was worried about me because i picked up an irish guy at a taxi rank. says the girl who invented tequila night and fucked a guy in a park across the street from a sweet sixteenth.
Lost my virginity in a banana suit. Glad I waited.
I mean nobody wants to admit they ate 9 cans of ravioli but i did and i am not ashamed of myself
I have a cat, a bottle of wine, and a Brazilian man. I need to catch you up on my life
Well, that was my first dog walk of shame. Nothing says "I've got my life together" like an inside out shirt and a baggie full of dog shit.
Apparently at some point last night someone gave me tequila. There was a few shots left when I woke up so that was breakfast. This is a good birthday
We have hung out 5 times and only had sex 3 of those times. I'd call that friendship
Foreplay went from me being a bank teller and him a customer to us actually having to go to the bank so we would make rent
I HAVE A STRAIGHT LINE ACROSS MY ASS ABOUT THE WIDTH OF A SLIM JIM. ERICA!
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