So.. my mom just told me she hasn't gotten laid in 7 years... I'm really disturbed.. at the same time... At least now I know why shes so damn cranky all the damn time
Please don't tell me you're asking me to have sex with your mother.
And we will make penis cookies and eat them suggestively
i need you to recap everything for me beyond "i think i'm gonna try vodka-pong"
she said if she won the lottery she'd fuck me... isn't that like government funded prostitution?
The plus side of allergy season is that after our weekend coke binge my runny nose fits right in.
Just got physical proof that at 6 am i was running around with raw potatoes threatening to mash them on his floor. Hello, Mobile uploads
She thinks she's a fairy, dude. A real fucking fairy with wings and shit.
he asked me to "shake his dick" when he introduced himself, playing naked football with you in our living room. $100 says you two get married one day.
I just remember being in the bathroom alone cussing out the bunny
That's always how I imagine things at your apartment...
Good, I'm glad you don't have some weird, skewed, clothed version of reality over here.
I was told to keep my leg elevated. I assume it means to keep my legs on the air, it's like I was prescribed to be slutty
I think I need practice at oral sex
I own a practice facility.
He stole one of my good bras again. If I'm not getting laid I'm not putting with this shit. Also it's a walk of shame for you today, my car is suicidal again.
I deserve a medal for being woke up at 6am on my day off by your mother asking where your brother is
You don't need yoga. You need a boyfriend! Trust me I've become all sorts of flexible this past year.
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