i told her that i loved her pillow breasts and then she asked me if i wanted to motor boat them. so yea, i do need the room tonite.
We met at my place after separate parties but the condom wrapper was red with hearts and said love. Does that count as a romantic date?
i'm sitting pantsless eating potato chips and watching porn before he picks me up for our date. I hope he's ready for this...
She's the perfect storm when it comes to psycho stalkers
I traded my shirt for vodka. I wonder if my parents can pinpoint where they went wrong raising me.
Quesedillas should not make me weep and drinking water should not make me feel like god is giving me mouth to mouth. Never again.
That would make regret #10
He was more like the original regret
Will that be creepy to wake him up at midnight with my tongue all over his body??
You got me 4 pizzas and i just saw this. I'm too drunk for this shit. I just yelled "4 pizzas holy shit!" At the pizza dude
so, i guess i gotta chill on showing up to work hungover... someone anonymously left a bible in my work mailbox (no one else got one)
Alcohol and IMDB don't always mix with 100% accuracy
But the problem is you celebrate with your heart but I celebrate with my liver
If I knew the person sucking my dick didn't say thank you for their Christmas presents I wouldn't be able to cum.
If you think I'm going to drive 5.5 hours just to bang a guy, you'd be absolutely right.
Please come pick up your twin. She's tap dancing in her underwear and that's not how you want yourself represented.
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