The Ukrainian kid just told me that our econ professor wants to bone me. Please tell me that phrase means something different in Eastern Europe.
U handed him a box of flavored condoms, winked, and slurred, "grape juice is her favorite."
just threw up what i'm pretty sure look like contents of a lava lamp
Can an epipen be used as a tranquilizer ?
Because he's your one night stand I shouldn't feel obligated to extend social media to him
Ran into my neighbor that's always crying. I wonder if she's like; "I ran into my neighbor who's always playing with her vibrator?"
I feel like my body was put in a dryer with rocks set on permanent press.
You were drunkenly dancing with a statue you affectionately referred to as "The Captain." I wasn't going to deny your happiness.
I may be a complete scumbag but even im not willing to spend a grand and sit on a plane for 24 hours just for shrooms and a blowjob
My uncle showed up to pick us up at the bar just as I bought a drink so I put it in my pocket #drunksmart
It was like if the scent of sour milk and burning tires had a baby in taste form.
you're not celebrating your 21st birthday right unless you give a male stripper a hand job, flash the bartender, and win a free vibrator.
Let's do something tonight. I feel like setting things on fire.
Aiming to get laid tonight but if it falls thru I'm either gonna make a mixtape for my sugar daddy or sew a teddy bear for his newborn
You remember my neighbor with the perfect ass? It's even better in assless chaps.
Randomize
