babies were throwing up all over the place
My brother and I both agreed that your boobs are fake.
I understand. Hypothetically what should one do after throwing up in the shower?
so when we were booking the hotel and plane tickets for vegas we reserved a chapel for someone, it's inevitable.
he called me back to his office so he could lick a line of pixie stick off of my thigh
be sure to add "office slut" to your resume
There's an australian, my relationship has no hope.
Escorted a stripper to her car last night,and all I got was a "Thanks" and "Go Steelers."
Just saw a drunk guy clapping and cheering for a chipmunk climbing up a tree. Classic
Just replaced the batteries in my vibrator without turning on the lights. I need to get laid.
Man I'll cab it I'll be sloshed by then. There's turtles involved
No night ever ends well that starts with "you know what this needs? More tequila".
I spend so much of my life shaving my body hair off and I want nothing more than his beard in all my hairless places.
I can't control his boners. I can only encourage them.
I’ll call you later. There’s a jilted trophy wife looking for a revenge fuck at my door
So I guess I walked across campus with "pat my ass" in sharpie on my forehead.
You deserve it, you colossal cock block.
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