We were so tired we rock paper scissored for who would be on top. I won.
I just saw at least a dozen senior citizens on roller blades. way to drunk for this.
We're doing kegstands for my 80th Bday, so don't lose that muscle tone.
I dont even care how hung over I am, and how shitty this bus ride will be. That was the best sex of my life and it's a beautiful morning.
Taking my infected piercing out in the parking lot of the food card place. This is one of those life defining moments that makes me sad.
It's hard to be judgmental of others when you are wearing silver pleather.
You should kill a bro for me and drag his carcass home so I can study him.
I asked him for something to clean up with after sex and he handed me a sham wow. A SHAM WOW
You told me you were with a dog dressed as a taco, and it was the only one you trusted
Oh, in response to your "does dating get better" question...I feel like penises are getting smaller nowadays. Its been several years since I saw a good 8+ incher.
My apartment is so clean right now, I should invite someone over for sex just so someone can see how clean it is.
Do you remember last night?
Just that I fell down a hill with my penis out and the emt talked to me.
So I said "fuck it" and made myself a sandwich
Drugs and unwanted pregnancies are the only things that I'm good at. College comes in at a close third.
just used my $120 dollar stats book for the first time to kill an ant... good thing i stole it
Randomize
