i want you to feel like i'm letting you into my heart, not just my vagina.
So, it's like build-a-bear for your vag?
I feel like a combination of david goes to the dentist and drunkest guy ever goes for more beer
She forced me to throw up so it would "rejuvenate" me. It worked and then we took six more shots and did a keg stand. You know what I call that? Friendship.
Being this Hungover on Easter has brought my closer to Jesus... I swear he had to feel shitty like this after coming back from the dead
i want the original willy wonka imagination song to come on when i take a girl to my room
Sunday was the 8 month anniversary when you shot me in the face...just an FYI.
I don't know ur idea of a good first date but I'm pretty sure it shouldn't include him holding my hair while I puke in the street
So it sounded like a midget was barfing IN our walls again this morning ...
You're an independent woman who is defined by her own actions and not by whether or not you have a man. You also have great tits.
You owe me beer. On another note, I made out with the ups guy at work today ....
Does sweetest day count when you're spending it with your fuck buddy, high and eating Pizza Hut?
I got St Patrick's Day drunk on Friday and apparently ordered a Total Gym in the middle of the night
its 11:20. i'm drunk in class flying paper airplanes for my final. what the fuck is my college experience right now?
Thanks for driving us home last night. Also, blanket apology for anything I may have said/done. I blacked out sometime near the t-shirt cape incident
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