Just met a synchronized swimmer, can you imagine the things she could do in the water
Legs for days
Harpoon that
somehow I got talked into dressing up like a hot dog, spinning around ten times, and shooting lay ups in front of thousands of students
is he apposed to sex in general? or just porch sex?
He was in a gay KY jelly commercial. Jew male model. Reasons not to sleep with him. Go.
This girl would not stay down. It was like night of the living dead. She kept on rising up to haunt anything with a penis
okay. so this hammed chick got arrested and she keeps trying to make out with the cop. i like her style.
Also, turning on the light this morning was a 3 step process. Way too hungover.
I thought it went well, but he just sent me a video of me sucking an icicle on the fire escape of his building with the caption "The ice got more than I did." Somehow I feel like I owe him a blowjob.
I told him that he was essentially a very life-like dildo with a person attached so he needed to stop having feelings because it was getting annoying. He agreed.
Dude we both faced 40s of steel reserve which is like saying, "Hey, I'm a complete piece of shit!"
Saved a second guy who was crying/on the verge of wigging out. Just call me the drug whisperer.
Forever getting my life back together in gas station bathrooms.
You don't know being judged until its 7:30 in the morning and you're on 2 hours of sleep halfway between drunk and hungover wearing pajama pants at an international airport while saying how proud you are that you found the airport's bar immediately and how disappointed you are that it's closed
then you dropped a clam in a draught beer like it was a drop shot and and started chugging as beer spewed all over your body.
Will you PLEASE get your mom to stop telling me I'd make a great husband? She knows I'm gay, right?!
I know, but she really likes you. Have you met my brother yet?
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