You Definitely drank the goldfish bowl like it was a giant margarita
this is a family affair. You're an embarrassment.
whatever it's not my family
Do you think people stop being hipsters when they're naked? because that's what my research shows.
You know how I know he's a virgin? He's wearing transition lenses.
it's official, i know exactly what cross streets we're at by the bumps when i give him road head
um, yes. it's my birthday, of course there will be acid.
I wrote my name on his balls in sharpie. In the homosexual world that's like a diamond ring. Shits permanent.
i think ive crossed the line from sexually frustrated to sexually furious
Yeah if I don't text back. I'm eating. sleeping. Or lifting. Or drinking. Or playing call of duty. Like shit man
She asked the bartender for "7 shots of something fruity" and long story short the bartender punched me in the face. Chivalry is stupid.
I don't know. I just have an affinity for nudity when I'm drunk.
How the hell am I supposed to tell that to a group of eight year olds?! It was three in the afternoon for fucks sake!
I didn't even mind that he came early I just wanted to get eaten out and cuddle
Your bf is wearing nothing but a cape, I mean absolutely NOTHING but a cape. I know you said he looks like Thor but this is getting a bit ridiculous.
You made noises. And kept meowing. I have a twenty minute phone call to prove it.
So random question: what's a good way to tell your brother that his Skype sex kept you awake last night? I'm not really sure how that conversation begins.
Randomize
