Police were just in my backyard to recover a loaded .38. What the fuck?????
Dude.. I don’t care how hairy she is, you already left me at the bar, and now I have to find another fucking way home... NOW BE A MAN ABOUT IT!
oh, and bring over your fire extinguisher. we're gonna get the mailman again
Drank beer out of a hotwheels bucket all night
Apparently tackling a bar stool and crashing to the floor while yelling for 6 shots of whiskey won't get you thrown out on St Pattys Day.
There I was staring at a teeny weeny black one and a huge white one. It was like an episode of Myth Busters
Oh my god! She wrote the word ''hi'' in HAIR on the shower wall. What the fuck?!
can you please explain how one drink turns into 5 street signs with their poles lying around my room
He wouldn't give me a cup of water for my bong so i sat in the drive thru to run up the timer until he gave it to me.
can we just pause for one second and address the fact that balls were out last night
So my roommate and I have a written agreement stating that if he tries to sleep with his ex girlfriend, I have to immediately intervene and nut punch him then send her on her way.
this is the most serious roommate agreement ever
So what exactly does one do when my driver gets a DUI and is now arrested and I'm still hiding in the trunk?
Was he a virgin!? DID YOU TAKE A GUY'S VIRGINITY ON MY FLOOR!?
Vasectomy results are in. No swimmers in the water. REPEAT. No swimmers in the water. Come help me harness my new found super-power
You don't understand. This boy has the Mona Lisa of cocks.
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