Great, now everyone thinks I've had giraffe semen in me
you dont remember trying to break dance in the middle of the casino floor on ur own throw up?
oh that explains alot.
Some guy shouted fuck america during the national anthem, i decked him. They threw him out. USA USA USA!
He's sitting on the floor holding his bracket and crying, literally crying... he just keeps saying "Kansas how could you?" over and over
Pretty sure that drunken football on the back porch with 6 guys with a champagne bottle was a bad idea....
at 6am he came into my room and kicked me in the stomach. when i finally got up he was passed out in my hallway and the bathtub water was running
nope im down the street in my car watching the front of her house. its actually less creepy than it sounds
She passed out in his mom's bed and when we went to go get her she went 'no its cool I live here'.
I'm starting to think my role in the world is to inject batshit crazy, mentally unbalanced chicks with a dose of normal sperm.
Is it socially acceptable to stop at the strip club for the lunch buffet on my way to the airport?
Just skate-of-shamed, shirtless, with a bucket or margaritas. Good luck beating that one.
At least you didn’t announce to an entire bar you’ve eaten pussy, and then knocked your beer over.
My next goal in this relationship is to teach my boyfriend that there are valid reasons to be fear of dolphins completely.
For some reason, my alarm clock was unplugged & in the kitchen microwave. I don't remember doing that...
I don’t understand his energy
What? Nice? Lmao
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