Court Ordered Rehab!!! Do you think I'll need a swimsuit?
Stop bringing these fucking whores home with you. If I have to fight over the remote with a bleach blonde idiot wanting to watch the hills reruns one more time I'm pissing in your shampoo.
He was crying to my sister about feeling like a bad person. Then he groped my breasts.
At McDonald's last night the guy gave you the wrong kind of McFlurry, so you screamed at him, "YOU MCFUCKED UP."
i just lost my virginity for the 9th time. when will guys stop believing that nonsense line
How many times can you lose to your mom in beer pong before you can no longer show your face around campus?
and then they started calling me 'Shitshow Shandra', which apparently i took as a compliment.
she demanded that I make her breakfast too so im in the bathroom cooking bacon with her straightener
Well still if someone cared enough about u to wish an unwanted child or a disease on u ..u must have been doing something right
Just helped a homeless man panhandle outside of Wawa, made him $6.31. Where are you?
Dude between pissing everywhere and all of those frogs, that bathroom got wrecked.
She pretty much spent NYE measuring dicks, trying to decide which one to take home.
So the girl I met at the bar last night came home with me. Played with my puppy. And left.
How are you and your magical vagina doing today?
I dont remember you getting a condom thrown at you. I think I had a concusion
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