I woke up naked in my living room and my mom was next to me like we need to talk
I'm in love with you.
huh?
Don't be nervous. I'm just saying - if you had a dick, I'd suck it.
watching espn. realized that the exact place those sportcenter guys are is where I got laid on the beach last superbowl. my sex spot is broadcasted nationwide
I kept pulling the $1 bills off the stage and told everyone "no no no she has to work for this money"
Some girl, somewhere, is going to wake up with my face paint on her vagina
You're really doing everyone a disservice by wearing pants all the time.
I'd rather not be labeled as that girl who came over, drank a bunch of their alcohol, woke up the 5 year old, broke shit and left
We laughed. We cried. We came everywhere.
It's all good, I've hated people for lesser reasons than being my ex boyfriend's favorite pro athlete of all time
I want you to get your positive energy all over me. I want to to look like something from Ghostbusters.
Can we go one day without you telling me that your dick misses me
my mom snuck into my room, washed her clothes and made her breakfast. what the fuck she's a better boyfriend than I am
I'm like the big dick whisperer.
It’s like I’m living in some alternate wet dream universe right now
sometimes u just gotta ride a dildo and forget about life
Randomize
