morning outfit: hottub soaked skirt. no underwear. someone's bandanna worn as a shirt. took me an hour to walk home. this isn't fun anymore.
I give out O-faces like they're halloween candy
Currently looking for a new liver on ebay. Struggle.
I wonder how many times I can be hungover in one day
people are starting to question the shark bite story
I can see why you broke up with her now... it was like having sex with a corpse.
How did the whale quest end up? I saw u hit a little snag when the first one heard you call her that.
Good, she had spurs on her boots. That is a sign for instant herp attack.
You did a strip tease for the toilet.
no, i remember trying to staple my nipples together. I just can't figure out where the hell stapler came from.
He was so drunk he was throwing the bowling balls into other lanes on purpose. He still beat my high score thought.
There is nothing more embarrassing than your birth control alarm going off while in a meeting with your boss and they tell you to take it.
You looked up at me and said "I'm getting a mattress made out of this SHIT. Goodbye certa hellllllllo concrete!" then you started counting sheep
So I walked in on her and she had taped her fingers together and was crying and was whispering something about "how humbling it is being in constant glove mode"
I apparently asked the cab driver to show us his dick and then he showed me a picture of his girlfriend
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