Okay you're seriously so fucking annoying its like having a baby
He went down on me and then slapped my ass saying "thanks for the confidence boost"... is this all I'm good for?
Don't make this awkward for me. Don't let your mom come near the bathroom. I can't meet your mom for the first time while I'm shitting. Dont make this awkward.
I'm babysitting my fucking roommate he took out the screen and is trying to throw dishware in our fucking pool after he repelled off our balcony
at the time it didn't seem likely that you would ever find the cake in your underwear
Can't decide which I like more. Telling a girl she's pregnant or telling her she has herpes. It's the little things that make medicine tolerable.
And the horses in Central Park have blankets. And Rafiki just told me "it is time" in the back of our cab.
Yes he was puking but in the only light of the whole parking lot and he was resting in the patch of clovers and he just was a garden fairy
She slapped me in the face with a McDouble. Just threw it right at my face while I was driving... That is why we can't bring her out in public.
In case you wake up wondering why your eyes hurt... You were claiming to be Zeus and that mortal weapons couldn't harm you. Some chick took it as a challenge and pepper sprayed you. Sorry dude.
Dude I woke up and he was pissing in the corner on his clothes... I called his name an he replied " I got this" and continued.
This really high kid past out in the corner of the room holding a box of cheez its in his arm. My idol.
It has now been 10 days since we last saw Sebastians penis
Edible... I FEEL CLOSER TO THE UNIVERSE AND I DEF TRAVELED IN TIME. I THINK I CAN READ MINDS NOW.
Guess whose grandma smokes weed?
Randomize
