dude, im still at the bar with two chics... one has a moustache ill save that one for you... be home in 20min..
I feel like people whose favorite movie is Donnie Darko should not be allowed to talk. Ever.
Pregaming class all semester has made this final review session more like my introduction to the topic.
He had the smallest penis i'd ever seen. I can see why he drinks his life away.
did you really just refer to me me as an old fashioned penis?
And then. You beer bonged 3 tall boys. In a row. Fell into some kids lap. And pulled down my shirt trying to get up. Thank you for that. I got laid
Hahah what did you even say to him?!
That I was gonna inflate his vagina with a leaf blower?
Oh.
it would be a downgrade if your vagina tasted like skittles
Also I've decided that I'm buying the next friend of mine who is dumb enough to get married a live porcupine as a wedding present.
Whenever I'm hungover I try to stay in public as much as possible, hoping to be a cautionary tale to children. It's a public service, really.
its not like i called off work either time for the purpose of tripping, it was more like well, i have nothing to do now today, there is acid and im only human.. but twice
I plan on blacking out and milking a cow
LOOK, I was 19, and I made a lot of choices with my crotch which I'm weirdly proud of
Yes dear.
I've never SEEN someone give negative fucks before. It's actually rather impressive. I want to study under them.
My boss's toddler just went through my bag and found your vibrator...you owe me a drink.
Randomize
