Dude i fell asleep inside of her
thats awesome
You sent me a text calling me "cunt" while i was in the middle of dumping my bf.
So we're fucking tonight?
I'm sitting on the patient chair, waiting for my vagina to be violated & "i don't want to miss a thing" has been playing on repeat. WHY IS THIS HAPPENING TO ME.
could you please not use my mortar and pestal for its intended purpose? i just snorted cracked black pepper.
I'm wearing a shirt that says "birthday girls #1 homo" ...what has my life come to?
I'm still tasting pancake mix. I think this may actually be a serious medical problem...
So im guessing you dont remember the walk home, where you layed down in the alley and began to sing "threes company too" and when i told you to get up you had the nerve to tell me i was to drunk.
It's going to be so weird waking up tomorrow morning fully rested completely sober and not covered in piss or bruises.
Obviously. I'm here to let you eat things off my boobs and help you get laid.
so i might have figured out why that girl isn't talking to me...I'm 90% confident I didn't give her a pillow when she stayed over >.>
Nutrition teacher wants anything i eat or drink documented for the week including dancefestopia. Do you know the recommended daily ammount of psylicybin or MDMA?
I'm sure I'll run in to him again, there's only so many VA detoxes.
My joke about liking my coffee like I like my men IS ABOUT TO COME TRUE.
COVER ME IN BACON THATS MY FETISH
ACTUALLY ITS NOT, I HAVE NO FUCKING IDEA WHAT AWAKENS THE MONSTER BELOW THE BELT
Whoever thought of breakup sex is my new best friend
Randomize
