were having a shit on karen session at work but then she walked in so we used code names instead and she tried to join in like she knew them
there is this woman at the counter who looks identical to linda ellerbee. and she's grinning. COME. INSIDE. NOW.
can you explain to me why you commented on every one of my profile pics with "tits and beer ftw" please and thank you.
I hate it when you make eye contact with someone bcs you are about to make fun of them and they take it as a hint to come hit on you.
When I told my boss I'm using a vacation day for 4/20, he gave me his personal cell phone number and winked at me.
So...i'm having a drinking contest, my right hand vs my left, i have a feeling the 24 pack is gonna win
[insert really romantic bullshit about how much i love you and how beautiful you are so you will suck my dick tonight]
No way. Our relationship is based solely on texting and sex. A phone call would be too much at this point.
Just been one of those weeks where alcohol out weighs friendship
I recommend just blowing him. It's always the way to go.
Note to self, stop going out with self absorbed bisexuals
Plus i lost a button on my shirt and we got free drinks all night. Sorry I'm not sorry.
I was told that I need a reference for my blow job skills. Be expecting a phone call tomorrow.
WHEN YOU HAVE SEX WITH A GUY FROM A DIFFERENT COUNTRY YOURE SUPPOSED TO NEVER SEE THEM AGAIN
My hangover headache is somewhere in the Harry Potter scar neighborhood. I can now empathize with that poor bastard.
Randomize
