I mistook a propane tank for a keg.
She's a squirter....that makes up for lots of other annoying things
It's barely 9 am & I've already had an ice cube IN my vagina
That's science, my friend. Boner science.
In all honesty of all my sexual conquests, his dick is probably my proudest moment.
We forgot to go back and get the brick YOU WANTED TO BRING INTO THE BAR?
You know me. im down for anything that could harm my well being. lets dress like dolphins so everyone will see what dicks they are.
I am going to make your legs soar from cumming so much
Like they're going to fly away?
So like 5 seconds in I realize I knew him in 3rd grade and I went limp in his mouth. It felt like I just murdered the last unicorn ever. Going straight never felt like an option till now.
Nothing is worse than post drunken playoff baseball loss sex
When do you sleep by the way. I was surprised when I went to work at 1 am,left at 7 am and had a text from you somewhere in between
I just vodka nap now...
My phone has started autocorrecting "monogamy" to "monogamish"
Just used the pen i got in my signing ceremony to pack down my bowl. coach would be proud
Ok here's the plan: birth control, KFC, handcuffs.
He's got a big dick, a steady job and tells me I'm pretty. There is litterally nothing else I look for I a guy.
Randomize
