i just saw a woman using her birth control packet as a wallet.
It was like the Ritz Carlton of jails. I got introduced to our criminal system the right way.
something must definitely be wrong with me if i'm chasing after a guy who cant even get it up
I have new birth control, three bottles of jack, and some coupons for micky d's. You wanna have that sleepover?
yes he's amazing in bed. he made me like, black out. everything went black it was weird. so yes, i'd fuck him again. plus, he has every season of buffy on dvd
im sleeping in a hamic at a mansion. best hangover ever
I will always remember today as the day I narrowly escaped having to touch a tiny penis
He knew exactly who I'd slept with after just one look at my crotch. He's like the Sherlock Holmes of cocks.
Your CAR. Is in a LAKE. I'd say "a big mess" is a pretty conservative description of the situation.
I bet George Washington got SERIOUS head back in his hay day.
Dude. Yeah. This is a game changer. I feel dirty and possibly pregnant and it hasn't happened yet.
Made out with a mannequin all morning in cpr training, so im ready to party
Though I don't usually want to turn down ladies who want to liquify my clothing with their eyes, I made an exception.
Because you touch yourself at night.
...What time of day am I supposed to do it?
he was wearing pj pants, thank you for not letting me go home with him
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