I used the word aforementioned in my paper. That's an automatic A in community college.
the only reason i even kissed her was because we were having sex when it midnight, and i heard people yelling "happy new year."
Thinking about fake proposing to my gf just so the middle aged women next to us will buy us drinks
Quite frankly, I consider the fact that I'm NOT pregnant one of my greatest achievements and I'd like to chronicle that ongoing success. I'm going to post pictures of me at "0 weeks" once a week.
Its not that I'm getting free haircuts... Its just that she is paying for sex with haircuts...
I inadvertently smoked 6 blunts at one time. We just kept passing them around...I didn't know what happened until it was over. I can't walk.
Two words that describe last night: naked and backflips.
I mean I feel like if you explain to the emoji app company that your friend got plastered and fell to the ground and is trying to scheme her way back to normal life and get her dignity back they would understand just how necessary it is to have a fingers crossed emoji...
She crossed her eyes and threw up into a glass while sitting at the bar. It was fifty shades of sketchy dude.
I will teach you the ways of the ho life, my little gay grasshopper.
I hate that I still want him to look at me as the vagina that got away.
I don't know where you went, but if you're anywhere near the liquor, pour me another drink
I just put my eye make up on in the bathroom of the bar.... I may be too comfortable here....
The night got way more interesting after Jimmy started doing summersaults in front of the bar.
What did you delete my number or something
Oh honey. What makes you think I saved in in the first place?
Randomize
