Does it count as a shower if I just sat in the tub singing I'm a Little Teapot?
I am currently in the waffle making stage of highness
For once I'd like to have a Taco Sunday without having some random drunk chick flee my house half naked and in tears.
Plus my stomach has been speaking through my ass all day sending notes saying "fuck you" and "this is from your liver" or "i will kill you."
nope. It turned out i wasnt the drunkest person asleep in tacobell parking lot.
Want to get high and go thrifting? I'm trying to succeed making my dorm look like a deranged Applebees.
It's a 'fuck poison control' kind of night.
I have an epic ass bruise from a wheel tonight and I am drunk now because I decided vodka heals all wounds.
I'm 99% sure the Indians were high for thanksgiving and we should respect that by getting high too
He finally left. I didn't introduce him to the roommate. The sex is bad. I don't want him to feel welcome
There is a man in my bed with "new zealand" tattooed on his back. Wtf happened last night?
I know I'm drunk but why am I receiving this handjob through the pant leg of my shorts..?
eating a weed cupcake with nutella on top at work. i AM a star!
True life: I inadvertently fucked a whole friend group. More details to come tonight.
My penis is lonely
So is my ring finger
Randomize
