Its where this guy sticks a jar up his ass. Be prepared to be suspended between vomiting and cheering.
My new years resolution is to be alive new years morning
As im putting my laundry in the machine, i find a solo cup and a pong ball that i signed babe ruth
That's the girl I met who was peeing on the driveway with me. We bonded
I threw up in the shower, slipped, and fell in it. Should I try and continue my day or just get back in bed?
It took him 5 seconds to cum and then he wanted to hold my hand all night
Dad and I are shitfaced screaming at Canadians in Walmart. Life is good.
Well I let her practice her tattooing on me. This shaky dragon on my arm says Im getting laid.
This chick just walked by and pet my beard. Don't know, never talked to her. She just walked by and pet my beard.
Marry her
You should frame my arrest warrant.
I have a bandage in my ass crack. In. My. Ass. Crack.
Is it too forward if I ask him to bring a condom when he comes over to work on our project?
the insurance claim form from last night says foreign object removal from genitourinary tract so as far as the insurance company knows, it could have been a gerbil
So what happened at girls night? My roomate found me passed out locked out on the front steps of the house and it was raining. Yes low moment
My house exploded and with it all my pot went up in smoke.
Randomize
