he told me my hair look so beautiful and as he was stroking it his fingers got caught in my BUMPIT. How are you supposed to explain that one?
I felt weird they were both staring at me waiting for the scoop on how your vagina felt.
It's sore actually
I returned the dress. When they asked for the reason for return I said, 'I don't deserve to wear white'.
Awkward moment #23: reasuring mom that the bf and I aren't having sex as seamen is running down my leg...
I think you blew it when you asked her "Do you look good naked too, Or is it just the bra?"
I'm pretty sure my moms getting nailed in the bathroom right now while I'm chaperoning. God damn it.
So last night I learned something new. Whenever I drink beer out of a bottle a random guy buys me another one. It was like as soon as the glass hit my lips every guy in a 20ft radius got a hard on.
I am now being bribed with one orgasm per every meal I eat. This is the best anorexia therapy ever
U thinks that's bad? He told me that he had to envision high school wrestling in order to bust a nut with some girl
My gut is currently telling me that Jesus did not intend for us to eat shrimp pad thai on Easter
Is this a considering it or regretting it text?
I just shit out what feels like an entire shrimp with claws and all. You tell me.
I mean, you got a giant dick. I've seen lawn gnomes that are smaller.
Just ignore the penis. It's won't bother you. I promise.
Dude I am a waste of space, I just febreezed myself so I could go out and get lunch
I may or may not have just had sex in the bed of a pick-up at a drive-in movie theater.
He jerked off some dude with a slice of Wonder Bread.
The sports guy?
Yeah. They claimed the bread made it hetero
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