I'm not sure how appropriate a drug deal is while at a wake.
what's an appropriate "I'm fucking your grandson but I'm trying to hide it" outfit?
You were carrying around a milk crate, randomly putting it down calling out 'praise be to the milk gods' and making people pray to it.
When's a good time to tell your boyfriend you've slept with his ex girlfriend?
She got turned on by my fanny pack full of condoms. I can't believe you said it was a bad idea to wear it to the party.
OH. MY. GOD. FUCK HIM. JUST GRAB HIM AND FUCK HIM.
No he can't help me find his house he is strapped to a stretcher facing the opposite direction
I fell on my face, puked, and had to be rocked to sleep in a hammock. I'd say Europe is a success
Never let him bartend when he's tripping. He sprinkled a ton of mexican shredded cheese over a jack and coke and called in a Monterey Jack Daniels.
Yea. I feel great. My life is great. My job isn't as shitty. And my daddy loves me. I love strip clubs. Great self esteem boost.
Please tell me I didn't try to make out with a 70 year old Romanian man last night ...
Then we woke up and they shouted "Emergency Vodka!!" and that's how we got redrunk.
I feel better now, I have multiple fuck buddies again
I feel like my vagina was just in a fistfight.
Dude!! Who the fuck glued Cheetos to my couch? Bastards!!
Randomize
