She was lying the whole time!
She was a great actress
I was a great dumbass
I wish Facebook had filters like: Ivy League school, frat boy, straight, extremely wealthy, great in bed.. I would check all of them
When the cops came you just told them you'd go to your time out corner.
I left puerto rico a week ago and my vagina still smells like coconut.
Oh my god, I am the best RA ever. I'm teaching my freshman girls how to deep throat on bananas as a group bonding activity. I'm making the religious ones eat them for potassium.
Some might say its sad that I am willingly picking up a coke habit to be the skinniest bridesmaid... I think it shows my great dedication and proves I should have been maid of honor.
So I ripped my crotchless fishnet body suit when my drunk ass tried to crawl through the crotch to put it on.
rigging a system to keep my jello shots cold in class. important election day work.
Bar selfie Saturday turned into bar nudie Saturday in a hurry. I need to delete my snapchat...
sooo the guy I beat last night in strip pong is the manager's husband at my new job...
Well I just finished dry heaving so I think breakfast is a little further out for me
He named his newborn baby after a character in the Hobbit and that is literally keeping me up at night.
I'm sorry for peeing on you last night. Will cookies make up for it?
Neighbor just came over and asked if I had anything to clean blood out of carpet... it's definitely time to move.
Is constant horniness a medical condition? Because a husband, a boyfriend and an office side piece should be enough penis for one girl - but they’re not :-(
Randomize
