Found a waterbottle filled with a bloody mary in my purse this morning. Blacked-out me is always trying to help hungover me, it's so cute.
is it possible for your nipples to fall off? if so mine might. they hurt so bad...
Nothing says true friendship like 2 people bonding over potentially having AIDS.
She gave me a blow job and her mom gave me blueberry muffin afterwards. I love them.
You should probably wake up already as I have yet another story for you. Teaser? Blood from knife wound. Tequila. Guitar hero. Kitchen counter. Lawyer.
But like now everytime I pee I just think... wow I had sex with him on this toilet.
Europeans suck. I just gave him head and somehow i am the one paying for the coffee
I'm just going to text him the word sex repeatedly until he comes over.
Did it work?
Duh, it only took 27 texts and 15 minutes and he was at my front door.
I WAS a history major. I also WAS a functioning human being. Fuck gin.
Winning pick four numbers were just 6969... if I were 18 I could've won 20,000 dollars.
I respect your roll as DD and there're am required to respect your vehicle
You jumped into so many bushes for no reason
YOU CAN'T GET A TATTOO BECAUSE OF KPOP FANFICTION. THAT'S NOT HOW LIFE WORKS
Ok, not to minimize the significance of that beautiful anecdote from your childhood, but here's a video of my penis.
I broke another vibrator the other day. Abstinence is not for me.
Randomize
