She was sucking his dick at Seacrets outside bar in front of all of us...her friends kept coming over crying and yelling "Tiffany stop it"
I tried making the sex a little better this time so right before I blew I yelled "ready or not here I come!"
I found a dealer that takes plastic. I'm so in trouble.
I told her at least we still had each other. That's when she started crying.
i keep forgetting that not all of my female friends are bisexual.
I woke up with my left arm looking like it got mauled by a lion. Oo and she said someone broke her car window.
Just realized these events may be related.
The foreigner finally woke up and the first thing he did was look up a map of the u.s. His destination is to pennsylvania.
I hit him with a car. Nothing says I hate you more than backing into someone with a fucking car.
Tonight will be judged a success if I walk out without having thrown up on my shirt.
Maybe STDs were invented to keep stupid people from having kids.
You keep saying things....but all I'm hearing is kegs
There's puke on my pillow. I'm still wearing my wedges. And I have a cab drivers number clutched in my fist.
Watching elf, eating a tub of ice cream, and coming to terms with the fact that I haven't had sex in 5 months. Happy fucking holidays.
the only thing I remember was some guy took out his fake eye to use it for beer pong
I cried while dry heaving in the back of the car to the New York song with jay z in it. I was singing it inbetween gags.
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