I was hooking up with him in my car, he wouldn't stop with my nipples, I had to literally beat him off of me. He kept groaning too while he was doing it. Sick.
Mommy issues
My lunch today consisted of going on the brewery tour with my boss. Free pretzels and two free beers.
I hate you.
To be fair, the beers are only 8 ounces each. So maybe you just kinda dislike me.
He doesn't make grammatical errors. Even while getting head.
Being a slut is okay if you're being a polite slut, right?
I think it's safe to say me, swords and vodka can never be aloud in the same room again.
Pretty sure I just convinced a drunk guy at the train station that I was from the future
She's dipping the chocolate graham crackers in marshmallow vodka for a 'campfire taste'
I've been drinking vodka for the last 12 hours at the beach and can't see straight and have awesome hair.
LIFE IS #1 SOMETIMES
I didn't want to walk to anymore parties because I found a cat. It was magical.
He stood me up.
I'm no sure if I should be pissed or proud that he finally grew a backbone.
Everywhere I look there's another kitten this is so ideal
Can I live on acid? Kittens man. Kittens.
Does me being hung over take away from how professional I can be today?
Like, I can't stand that bitch, but i genuinely hope she gets the help she needs
I'm gonna watch porn and nap. I think I really have this Valentine's Day thing down
Your liver needs more exercise - we start training tonight.
Randomize
