i was just texting to let you know that my facebook chat is working again so you can talk to me more. please talk to me more.
Whats the count minus fat chicks?
Just got cockblocked by coyotes. This would happen to me.
Packing up everything in the dorm. Silly bands to unused condom ratio is ridiculous.
I just had a dream that I was pulling you around downtown on a sled, from bar to bar. Dear lord if we start that there's no hope for us
Me and allie were just offered cocaine by a strange man in a women's bathroom. Why have I not lived in Austin my whole life?
I have accepted that I am a sexual predator. What I can't accept is the lack of sexual men for me to seduce in this town.
Trust me, dating 38 and 20 year old dudes at the same time is the best. Money plus all of the sex. Finally figured out this relationship thing.
The chances of me making out with someone next weekend are about the same as me not remembering it.
We need to get Harry and Lloyd's tuxedos from Dumb and Dumber. I feel like this is a vital thing that is missing from our lives.
if you want to know how my night is going I just ugly cried in the cheesecake factory
Well, I could just slap my dick to my phone and see what it says
His dog ate the vibrator. The WHOLE vibrator. We spend the morning after trying to make it vomit up the battery. Why does this always happen to me?
i feel like i shouldn't just had to send a text that said "no i will not eat your ass"
just so you know they found you begging for money at the L station. What the fuck did you drink last night?
Randomize
