Michelle and I recorded her bunny humping it's little rubber black ball.
He's so gross, but the preschooler inside me is screaming that this is her life dream and I have to be with him or she'll never forgive me.
You left me with no money to have random Chicago sex. The least you can do is pick me up an egg mcmuffin on your walk of shame back to the hotel.
I could barely talk to the cabbie and I was text bombing everyone. They need to make an auto timer app to prevent people like me from belligerent late night harrassing. And I was seeing double... Prob would have tried to give your leg a bj and then fallen down the stairs.
It's like getting ready for my vaginas own execution
I vaguely remember making out with his tattoo (?) and giving him an awesome massage and then I passed out on his floor. Shrug
when I said energy drinks I meant cocaine
It makes me really sad that some people start their saturdays running or biking instead of with 3 shots of tequila, a sausage biscuit, freaks & geeks and 2 orgasms.
We are buying drugs from a guy with a Jesus fish on his dodge caravan.
It's pretty telling that my resolutions all involve who I will sleep with in 2014.
It's important to play to your strengths.
If it was any colder outside, the frost from my breath would make a mixed drink
I swear every time I see him he's either dancing or trying to touch people
She's got Mike in the bathroom. He's covered in meat.
I just want to bone him one last time before he moves across the country with his new (average looking) girl friend.
all i remember is walking home without my pants on... when i woke up i was sleeping in between my parents in their bed, no more whiskey wednesdays
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