what if every blade of grass was a penis?
my dad told me i had to spend my money wisely..so i spent the money he gave me for a desk chair on weed. ill be so high i wont even notice its gone
I am the Bobby Fisher of drunk asss puking
a cemetary is a place for people to rest in peace and you just spermed all over their land
the party was called freshmen disorientation. i was just following the theme
For future reference, never invite the people you met at Dunkin Donuts at 2am to your house to watch Dogma
we put a pacifier in your mouth because you kept drunkenly singing country music.
how is telling me how long you drunkenly fucked someone supposed to make me miss you?
My biggest accomplishment thus far this summer is having sex 5 weeks after hip surgery.
Considering that your "hello" was replaced with "Fuck yo couch," I'm not surprised that you have a black eye.
fond memories of taking my pregnancy test here in this Burger King
Whatever I'm getting wasted, my costume's bomb, and there's a good chance I'm getting laid. Not letting stupidity ruin my night!
Why does your life consist of lesbians, black guys and cats?
My niece I'm babysitting left earlier to stay the night with her friend. I got ditched by an 8 year old.
I think the hamburger goblin stole my cigarettes. I left my purse behind her table and they're not in it now.
Randomize
