How the fuck did you go into work today? You are a better man than I. I couldn't even show up to being unemployed on time.
there should be a rule- if you jizz on it, you wash it
He went soft
Wait. During?
Yeah, he was IN. MY. MOUTH.
New major. Tourism Management. I dont know what it is but it sounds like something all the stupid slutty failed business management majors do.
Liquid roulette time! Black Mystery Cups are filled with either ipecac, whiskey, or NyQuil. Let's have fun
can we just punch him in the dick and call it a victory for feminism
Found sauce from last night's pizza rolls wedged under my phone case... While sitting in my 8 am class. What happened last night?
you know you're drunk when you start breaking down your body composition into organic molecules
I just want him to hold me after a bad midterm. Is that even too much to ask for after sleeping with him twice?
Well drunk me was looking out for sober me again, hid the beer and bought another case for me
Just sold our expired ticket for a free night of bowling to a drunk guy downtown for 50 bucks. Ill buy beer on my way home
She's gonna be mad if she finds out you put weed in her house warming cookies
I'm sorry, but the bed has won this battle. I got up, changed my shirt, combed my hair, put on some deodorant, and then looked at my bed and got back in
I'm fairly sure I accidentally saw my dad naked last night
i came so much i feel like i were to try again, only dust would come out. and maybe glitter
Randomize
