so i'm sitting in his room drinking tequila from the bottle and watching harry potter. he's jacking off to some porn a couple feet away from me. at one point i look over and see that he's watching me instead of the porn. please help me figure out how warped it is that i found that romantic
He cant even get with danielle. Thats like striking out in t-ball
I'm buying a chandelier at walmart. WHO'S CLASSY NOW, BITCHES.
So we were banging and she started puking all over my bed. I'm not sure what's worse, her puking, or that I felt the urge to start singing Flip-adelphia.
I woke up with fried rice in my sweatshirt pocket came downstairs and found all the chicken in the fridge gone. I'm THAT roommate aren't I?
The secrurity code on my debit card is 420, can not lose this card.
So apparently they remodeled our middle school. Looks like we'll need to find a new roof to play beer pong on this summer.
Is he gonna be my crazy ex? Cause we weren't even together for as long as my weeklong bicurious lesbian relationship.
Also the fuck cup must be buried with me
Just want to let you know thanks for setting the bar pretty low when it comes to girls.
All I remember is grabbing a random guys dick at the bar and him just saying thank you and us taking a shot together
You texted me the words "butt stuff" 53 times in a four hour period last night.
tbh I think I just dated him for his dogs in the first place.
As I walked across the lawn after the party got busted, an officer told me to chug my beer before I left the premises.
I'm in the fetal position trying to figure out a way to get someone to deliver me pancakes.
Randomize
