I just washed champagne and tuna off my body. I feel like that was a successful shower.
i'm pretty sure they aren't charging me for that window i broke with a turkey sandwich while i was hammered.
You insisted on drinking champagne out of the dog bowl
I don't think it counts as a walk of shame when it's someone you've wanted for 4 years. That's mission accomplished.
He would drink pee if it was in a beer can
Seriously, don't even. "Hi, have I seen you half naked covered in bright red body paint on the internet?" is NOT acceptable water-cooler chit-chat.
Aw.
Besides you're a Tennessee fan and it'd be against my religion to have your penis inside me today.
Is it against health code to come into work half drunk and commando?
HE LITERALLY JUST PEED IN MY ROOM IDK WHAT TO DO HELP
not sure if destroying him emotionally was worth it but damn it's a fucking hilarious story
I was "singing along to the Lego Movie" high. Everything was not awesome
If I die here, tell my vagina and my cats that I'm sorry.
Yes. I'm realizing that sports games are good reasons to drink. I just cheer when everyone else cheers.
Woke up on my sisters couch, and it was like the start of a Terminator movie,my brother in law was passed out on the floor naked in the fetal position. We now call him Arnold. It was an epic night.
I walked in the kitchen and heard her saying "We could have been so good together" as she caressed an egg with her cheek.
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