Wooohooo! I'm sitting in the car like a creep watching people walk in and out of Blush. Lots of happy people.
Totally smoking with fifteen year olds.
One of her kids, Dakota I think, got stuck in a ceiling fan and she had a fit, thats when she found the penis hat.
so he made me dinner last pm @whch point i askd if i could help out. he hands me his fucking laundry and asks me 2 do it
only you. it could only happen to you.
running late. just ran over a dude on a bike
my mom just found my flavored lube in the basement. she gave me a lecture about how "giving head is degrading" omg i feel sooooo bad for my dad
Missing a small section of hand. Hope your night is going better
I can't remember if the bartender cut you off after you broke your glass or after you wished the bar a happy winter solstice during your karaoke number.
Just remembered getting lost in a "shortcut" through yards and GPSing my way home last night
I was about to send you a concerned-for-your-safety text b/c it took you more than ten seconds to respond to a text that mentioned both the bar and lesbians
Yeah I don't remember why I went to the hospital though but I just called and they have my wallet
Sorry. My phone died in the middle of you explaining why we would never work as a couple. Whatever you were gonna say, I probably agree.
I made out with a guy so that I could get ahead in the bathroom line, totally acceptable
the fact that you beer bonged rum made me so proud, the fact that you threw up an entire footlong tuna melt after... not so much babe
so you might not believe this but he made a powerpoint. and gave you a 3.5/10.
Randomize
