I just google mapped his house on satellite so i can really see how much money he has. Does that make me shallow?
He told me he had herpes after I put his hotdog in my mouth
I just signed a document stating that I would dd all summer if they would go pickup food.
I just saw someone marching around outside wearing only a loincloth, dragging a fuckton of sheet metal. Spring has Sprung.
You missed lesbians having sex in the bathroom and the whole bar clapping for them. I had to do recon. It was amazing
This must be what defeat feels like to Tom Brady today. I bet he wishes he could barf up all of his bad decisions from yesterday, too.
I need you to do me a favor and hide my sword from me tonight. I'm planning on drinking my weight in vodka and I don't trust myself enough to not run through campus screaming "I AM SPARTA!" You'll be saving me a mugshot as well as saving some innocent girls from tears.
Def just threw up beer then brushed my teeth with some randos toothpaste now back to drinkin beer
So we became Pizza Strippers- we stripped and asked for slices of pizza in return.
ANNA YOU PEED ON THE STREET. LIKE NOT EVEN SUBTLY. YA JUST SQUATTED IN THE MIDDLE OF THE HIGHWAY. And you flashed your tits to oncoming vehicles to try to get them to pick us up
Sooooooo, maybe just fucked on a motorcycle.
Just remember, the Browns have more wins than Ronda Rousey this year.
FYI telling a guy that you're glad his dick isn't big after giving him a bj, is NOT a compliment.
Remeber when we went camping and fucked those two guys? Yeah me either but I'm covered in poison oak so I'm guessing it's from that.
I love how we can bond over the fact that we're the only ones who think the guy I drunk hooked up with looks like Voldemort
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