So I just went home and made my own spanx by cutting the legs off of a pair of nylons. I'm either a genius or missed my calling to live in a trailer park.
Dude wtf I'm sitting behind some girl in class who is creeping on my facebook page. I don't even know who she is..
I'm drinking early times at a fridays on wednesday night. This entire bar is going to see my dick by last call.
What's the point of being healthy if people still don't want to fuck you?
i think the beer goggles wore off after hearing the story of her 2nd abortion
nothing like smoking out of your roommate's bong with your mom to celebrate the rising of christ
he is risen halelujah
The Supreme Court upheld health insurance. If that's not an excuse to get hospital drunk, I don't know what is.
I agreed not to hook up with any randoms while she's on vacation, if that isn't a show of good faith then I don't know what is...
I was thinking that maybe I should not apply to Wells Fargo because they def have me on candid camera taking a drunken nap at 3am in their lobby.
I keep thinking your bag of thongs is a bag of chips. So mad I can't eat them.
"what's it like being a dancer turned stoner" well, i can change the netflix using my feet mid bongrip, so there's that.
We were kinda loud so his roommate woke up and to make up for it he invited him to a threesome. I can't drink whiskey anymore.
I gave him a BJ and he left. Coincidentally that's the name of my memoir.
You just managed to turn Doctor Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
I thought it turned out lovely. You got to see me almost naked and I got to be stoned to the point I was content with
Wtf when were you almost naked??
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