That was a long time ago. She needed the money.
Going to get yelled at but I labeled the reel "four dried up sluts decide going to the middle east to shop during a war is the best idea ever"
Where are you and why am I suddenly responsible for your taquitos?
Totally just met the chick getting nailed in our lobby last night. Should I bring it up?
My worst case scenario tonight is that I fuck a hot Swiss girl. Let that give you perspective on my life at the moment.
Oh my god. He likes it up the butt. But loves womanly support. Omg. Its bad. Its bad. Ive had too much whiskey for this to be ANYthing except bad.
Haha I'm surprised I didn't see you I was drunkenly buying $70 in merchandise including a vibrating cock ring at that cvs around that time
Woke up with your brother in my bed...where do you want me to return him?
we gave you a glass of water and you just started yelling: TWO STRAWS, PATS AN ENGINEER HE'LL FIGURE IT OUT
Well yeah connect the two together, then you can lay down and drink.
Would you judge me if I made John grow a bush while he is in Cancun so he doesn't cheat on me?
I'm kinda surprised he wouldn't be honored to take me back as a fuck buddy.
I puked so hard this morning that I peed my pants. I'm a gem.
the man at taco bell in the drive thru window tried to sell me his mix tape
his single is called “stick some holes in it”
Woke up in a car, do you own a silver car parked a few miles form the house...hope so
How is it that I know 4 different bartenders who won't charge me for drinks, but I can't get laid?
Randomize
