I just threw up on my dentist
dude she wont stop talking about little people big world...she said my penis looked like zach roloff and took a picture with her phone?
Just fucked a hooker at a motel in New Jersey. Two states down, 48 to go.
I found out during it when he said "my girlfriend never does this" so he's all to blame, I had no idea until half way through.
She literally just cut half her hair off because she's tired of asking someone to hold it back when shes drunk and puking.
The last thing I remember was doing a line in the shape of Texas
Dude. Why is there a hamster in my pocket? WHAT THE FUCK WAS IN THAT JOINT
He passed out in the car on the way to the party. Seabiscuit tripped before the race even started....Lil bitch....
I'd just like to formally thank you for the size of your dick. The gods must really love you.
I may have been mad at the Supreme Court/patriarchy and tried to hate fuck myself.
She's lucky her pussy is worth listening to her ramble about bedroom furniture for 30 minutes
I don't need romance, I need cheese sticks
my favorite part of this morning was sitting at the gynecologist smelling like cigarettes and wearing yesterday's clothes.
Maybe the "i killed someone" and "tequila makes my clothes come off" comments freaked him out.
No, he came home, unscrewed all of the lightbulbs, and threw them in the sink.
Randomize
