First shot of my 21st. 11 a.m. in econ class. Success.
Dude I totally just watched a girl put a tampon soaked in vodka up her vag
I need new friends
you were on all fours yelling at the earth to stop spinning.
I woke up wearing just my underwear and a headlamp at a different house than I remember passing out at. I told you irish car bombs are not made with an entire guinness.
For sure. We should see if we can get Mike to pay for one, and have a triple kegger... :o==& (that's future me projectile vomiting. i try to be goal oriented)
Nyquil jello-shots aiding in health and happiness
I fucked a 6'7 Danish man. In the ocean. At 5am. Greetings from Florida!
I guess I really am the only person in this world who can successfully have a no-strings-attached threesome on the beach.
Its not that I don't mind giving her as much as my penis as she wants, its the post sex cigarette I have to supply. Shits $9 a pack.
Put a tip jar next to your bed from now on.
Your good ideas are reason #4 we need to live together.
He insists on falling asleep with his penis between my buttcheeks. He says its his "home".
I just laughed at the word pudding. I have no idea whats going on right now.
I fucking hate you. Some slutty looking drunk chick backed her ass up across the bar and started grinding on you. You ignored her because you didn't want to share you drink
I care about my drink far more than her feelings
You need to stop me from lighting my hand on fire next time we're working
Uber driver offered to have sex with me since I went home solo. - rock bottom
OMG OMG OMG!!!! I made his penis bleed!! I repeat I MADE HIS PENIS BLEED!!!!
Randomize
